A Secret to Healing -- Forgiveness

Forgiveness – what a loaded word! God wants us to forgive but what exactly is forgiveness? And how do I do it? These were my questions as I began my journey with forgiveness.

Let’s start with addressing the first question with my best definition. Forgiveness is the releasing of offense from your heart. Sometimes it helps to define what it’s not as we work towards figuring out what it is. Forgiveness doesn’t mean instant healing. Choosing to forgive actually begins the journey of healing. It begins the process of releasing negative emotion from your heart. Without forgiveness, you can hold the negative emotion inside indefinitely. A myriad of physical, mental and emotional health problems can result. Forgiveness also does not mean reconciliation. For full reconciliation of relationship to happen (according to God’s role modeling), there must be true repentance and forgiveness working together. While reconciliation is dependent on repentance, forgiveness is not. We are called to forgive regardless of repentance.

So how do we forgive? We first must calculate the debt (Matthew 18:21-35). In accounting terms, you cannot write off what you have not calculated; you cannot let go of what you do not acknowledge is there. To calculate the debt, ask yourself: What did the offense do to me? What did it cost me? How did it make me feel? What wrong messages did it send to me? What lies did it cause me to believe about myself? Or about God? Then, we hand it all over to Jesus (1 Peter 5:7). We will need God’s grace – which is his power and enablement – to accomplish this. Forgiveness is something we choose to do regardless of feelings. That is the good news; we don’t have to feel like it to do it.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father God, will you please help me to identify and release all of the hurt, offense, pain and trauma. Help me to not use it for self-protection. Please help me with good boundaries in cooperation with you for my protection.

I now choose to forgive ___(WHO)__________ for ___(WHAT THEY DID)______________ and making me feel _(WHAT IT DID TO YOU/HOW IT MADE YOU FEEL/WHAT IT CAUSED YOU TO BELIEVE)_.     

(Place hand on heart): Jesus, I give you all of this hurt, all of this negative emotion, all of the wrong messages that were sent and caused me to believe the wrong thing and all of the wrong decisions, actions and directions I went in because of this and I ask you to take it all away. Will you please fill in those places with more of you and more of your peace, love, joy, comfort, etc.

I now release ___ (WHO)_________ from my judgment and hand them to you, Jesus.

Jesus, will you please shine your healing light and heal my heart. Please correct all of the damage done and bring me into alignment with you. Thank you, Jesus.

I Broke My Relationship, What Do I Do Now?

A broken relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life. Alternatively, repairing a broken relationship is one of the most rewarding and joyous things in life. It is devastating to our hearts to have broken relationships with friends and/or family but even more if we have a broken relationship with God. Often times we don't realize that distance from God is the source of our depression and anxiety. Often we do not realize that what we really long for is a relationship with our Creator. So the question is "How do we repair relationship?"

Repentance is the key to repairing broken relationships. Whether the relationship is with people or with God, when there is distance or brokenness the solution is to come and humbly apologize with the intention of not making the same mistake again. To maintain good, strong, healthy long-term relationships we need to prevent the hurt from growing into a mound so big that we can no longer connect. The way we keep the garbage cleared out is to apologize well. A good apology is not empty words to toss in someone's direction to now obligate them to let it go. A well done apology is humble, sincere, and is a commitment to change. It helps the other person be in a better frame of mind to offer much needed forgiveness. Repentance and forgiveness are the ingredients for close relationship. You cannot have a repaired relationship without these two working in harmony. Repentance always has to take the lead and come first and then forgiveness needs to follow in order to have reconciliation. (Forgiveness is a topic for another blog post.)

God is not shocked or surprised at any of our sin. He knew it was going to happen and made provision for it. That is why he sent his son, Jesus. Jesus paid for our sin with his very life. God does not require that we live perfectly. However, our sin creates distance from God. So what is the solution? We come to God and apologize with a commitment for change. God wants us to acknowledge what we did wrong and tell him we are sorry (Jeremiah 3:12b-13a). He then is faithful and just and not only forgives us but he also washes us clean (1 John 1:9). Repentance repairs relationship with God. God is our role model for how to repair our earthly relationships. Reconciliation does not happen with God without repentance; and in the same manner reconciliation does not happen with people without repentance.

Apology is a beautiful thing. It washes our hearts and it repairs our relationships. True genuine repentance is not condemning self. The need to apologize is merely a part of our human existence. It is something that we all will need to do in life (Romans 3:23). It is those who are willing to apologize well and as a lifestyle who will have the most satisfying relationships--with people and with God.

It really is amazing how something so simple can have such a significant impact. Repentance is simply apologizing with a commitment to change. We can't live perfectly but we can live repentantly. When we apologize we repair relationship. I encourage you to try it and see what happens.

I invite you to pray with me.
God I repent on behalf of myself, my family line, and my nation for all the ways that we have not served you and where we have served your enemy instead. I'm sorry for all doubt/unbelief, rebellion/witchcraft, addiction/drunkenness, sexual immorality/lust, pride, anger/rage/hate, gossip/slander, strife/division, abuse, theft/greed, lying/deceit, jealousy, and being critical/judgmental. I'm sorry for all I've done to break relationship with you and with others. I'm sorry for                 . Jesus, thank you for forgiving me and washing me clean. I receive the work you did for me on the cross. Please help me to live according to your ways. Please bring me into close relationship with you. Please help me to repair my relationships. Thank you! Amen.

RESOURCES:
When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right With Those You Love
     by Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas
Scriptures on Repentance:
2 Chronicles 6:36-39
Isaiah 30:15
Jeremiah 5:3
Ezekiel 18:32
Luke 15:7
Acts 3:19
2 Timothy 2:25
2 Peter 3:9